1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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