forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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