Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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