I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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