I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize