Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He kissed a someone with a penis
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize