Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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