Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize