your thong is hanging out like whoa
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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