Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I just found a frying pan...in my bed.

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(410): I just found a frying pan...in my bed. http://tfl.nu/4wiq

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(817): View more from Texas

I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.

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(817): I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs. http://tfl.nu/mr7a

Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture

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(484): Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture http://tfl.nu/aclr

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(519): View more from Ontario

Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.

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(519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me. http://tfl.nu/7rdg

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(858): View more from California

I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.

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(858): I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star. http://tfl.nu/5mxp

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(810): View more from Michigan

I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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(810): I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work... http://tfl.nu/jjaa

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(256): View more from Alabama

I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.

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(256): I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting. http://tfl.nu/bt6j

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(408): View more from California

you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

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(408): you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face http://tfl.nu/f86d

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(770): View more from Georgia

he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players

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(770): he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players http://tfl.nu/ani7

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...

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(919): I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend... http://tfl.nu/oued

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless

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(774): Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless http://tfl.nu/p1o5

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.

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(336): I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead. http://tfl.nu/ixs0

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(805): View more from California

we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard

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(805): we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard http://tfl.nu/fmkh

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(718): View more from New York

I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.

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(718): I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best. http://tfl.nu/yss2

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.

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(202): Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now. http://tfl.nu/7dy9

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