I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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