I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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