I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My bed smells like the plague
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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