You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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