I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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