You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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