Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize