At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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