A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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