I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize