i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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