i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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