She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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