There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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