ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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