Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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