Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize