Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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