So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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