we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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