Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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