Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My dick has a subreddit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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