The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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