Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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