So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize