New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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