just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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