So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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