I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize