I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize