I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize