I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize