Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize