Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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