i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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