I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize