Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize