im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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