Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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