so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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